How to Chase Wedding RSVPs Politely: Templates

Chase wedding RSVPs in two rounds: a friendly reminder to everyone outstanding about a week before your deadline, then a personal message to each person still missing the day after it. Name a new date in the message, say "either way" so declining feels allowed, and send it to one person at a time, never to a group.

Most late replies are simply forgotten, so a good chase makes replying take ten seconds. Below is a timeline, and templates for email, WhatsApp and the phone, written for the guests who are hardest to pin down.

TL;DR:

• One week before the deadline: a light reminder to everyone who hasn't replied.
• The day after the deadline: a personal message, with a new date and the link.
• A few days later: phone the last few.
• Always include the link or the reply card, and say a "no" is fine.
• Chase each guest directly. A group message is ignored by everyone in it.

When to chase

Work backwards from the date your venue or caterer wants final numbers, and leave yourself at least a week between your RSVP date and that one. Our guide on when to send your seating chart to the venue has the usual deadlines.

Templates: the reminder before the deadline

Keep the first one light. You're not chasing yet, just putting it back at the top of their inbox.

Email

Subject: Our wedding: RSVP by 1 MayHi Sophie,Just a quick reminder that we're asking for replies by Friday 1 May, so we can give the venue our numbers. It takes a minute on our website: [link]If you can't make it, that's completely fine, we'd just love to know either way.Love, Hannah and Tom

WhatsApp or text

Hi Sophie! Quick one: we're collecting RSVPs by 1 May. Here's the link if you haven't had a chance yet: [link]. Hope you can come! H x

Templates: the day after the deadline

This one is personal. Use their name, give a new date a few days away, and make declining easy.

WhatsApp or text

Hi Raj, hope you're well! Our RSVP date was yesterday and we haven't heard from you yet. No pressure at all if you can't make it, we just need to give the caterer our numbers. Could you let us know by Thursday? [link]

Email, for someone you're less close to

Subject: Hannah and Tom's wedding, 6 JuneHi Mark,I hope all's well. We're finalising numbers for the wedding on Saturday 6 June and wanted to check whether you're able to join us. Could you reply by Thursday 7 May, either on our website [link] or by replying to this email?Either answer is absolutely fine.Best wishes, Hannah

Templates for the guests who are hardest to reach

Older relatives. Online forms aren't for everyone. Ring them, or ask in person, and fill in the reply yourself.

"Hi Auntie Pat, it's Hannah. I'm just ringing about the wedding. Are you and Uncle Jim able to come on the 6th? Lovely, I'll put you down. Any food you don't eat?"

One half of a couple. One person replies for themselves and forgets the other.

Hi Jess, we've got you down as coming, which is brilliant! We haven't heard about Dan yet. Is he able to make it too?

Evening guests. They often assume the RSVP isn't really for them. Tell them it is, and why.

Hi Lucy! We'd love you at the evening do on 6 June. Could you let us know if you're coming by Thursday? We're sorting the evening food and need a number. [link]

The "probably". Some guests say "hopefully!" in a message and never formally reply.

Hi Ben, so glad you're hoping to come! Could you confirm on the website when you know for sure? We need final numbers by the 14th, so a yes or no by then would be perfect. [link]

The colleague you invited to the evening. Keep it short and professional.

Hi Sam, just checking whether you're able to come to our evening reception on Saturday 6 June. No problem either way, we just need numbers by Thursday.

If none of these work, our RSVP wording guide has a message for the guest who has ignored every reminder, and one for when your numbers are truly final.

The phone call

After two messages, ring. It's quicker than a third message, and you usually get an answer there and then. Keep it to three lines: who you are, the question, and that either answer is fine.

"Hi, it's Hannah. I'm just ringing round about the wedding, we're doing final numbers this week. Can you make it on the 6th? Either way is completely fine."

Write the answer down straight away, including any dietary needs they mention.

What not to do

• Don't send one group message to everyone who hasn't replied. Each person assumes it's meant for someone else.
• Don't apologise for asking. "So sorry to bother you" invites "no worries, will do", which isn't an answer.
• Don't ask a relative to chase on your behalf. It works once and muddles who said what.
• Don't post about late replies on social media. Someone on the list will read it.

Chasing with WhiteClover

In WhiteClover, the guests who haven't replied sit in their own list on your wedding RSVP dashboard, and you can filter it by event, so the evening guests who haven't answered show up on their own. Select them and send a reminder email with your date and venue in a couple of taps. Replies land back in your guest list as they come in, so your next chase only goes to whoever is still missing.

You can also send the reminder as a text message to guests with UK numbers, and to most other countries. It costs €0.30 per guest, bought in credits with a minimum of 25. WhiteClover's texts don't reach US or Canadian numbers, so send those guests the email or the link in your own message. Sending the RSVP and email reminders is free.

The short version

Remind everyone a week before the deadline, message each missing guest personally the day after it, and phone the last few. Give a new date, include the link, and make it clear that "no" is a fine answer.

Frequently asked questions

How do you politely chase wedding RSVPs?

Message each guest who hasn't replied personally, the day after your RSVP date. Mention a new date a few days away, include the link, and say you'd love to know either way.

When should you chase RSVPs for a wedding?

Send a light reminder about a week before your RSVP date, then a personal message the day after it. Phone anyone still missing three or four days later.

Is it rude to chase wedding RSVPs?

No. Usually a guest has simply forgotten, and a reminder is expected. What feels rude is a group message, or one that sounds like a telling-off.

What do you do if wedding guests don't RSVP?

After a reminder, a personal message and a phone call, let them know your final numbers are going to the venue and that you'll assume they can't come unless they say otherwise. Then mark them as not attending.

Should evening guests RSVP?

Yes. Your caterer and venue need an evening number too, and evening guests can be slow to reply, so plan to chase them.

Recommended

• Wedding RSVP Wording: 30+ Examples
• What Percentage of Wedding Guests Decline?
• Evening Wedding Guests: The UK Etiquette Rulebook
• Day and Evening Guests: Two RSVPs, One Website
• How to Say No Plus-Ones on Your Website and RSVP